November 20-- Well, "IT" is back. The dark, windy, freezing cold existence we all know as St. Louis weather. Better get those suicide hotlines ready.

Speaking of hotlines, what in the hell is it with all of these "Turkey Hotlines"? Next week is Thanksgiving, and everywhere I look there are ads, news stories, web pages and yes, telephone "hotlines" for people who are going to cook a turkey.

You would think that cooking a damn turkey was the equivalent of performing a human brain transplant.

I've probably cooked 20 turkeys in my life ( yes, I do all of the cooking in our family, but that's another entry ), and it's REALLY not that big of a deal!

Plus, do you really want to eat anything that was prepared by somebody who needed a hotline to make it?

"Gee Honey, this is great meatloaf. It probably would have been better though if you took it out of the wrapper before you cooked it. Wasn't there a meatloaf hotline?"

There are these so called "horror stories" about people under cooking turkeys. Or better, cooking the turkey before taking the guts and crap out of it.

I don't want these people making toast much less a turkey.

I'd really like to be one of the people who took the calls at the "Turkey Hotline".

CALLER: My entire family is coming over in 20 minutes. Should I take the turkey out of the freezer yet?

ME: Yes, yes you should. Take it out of the freezer and replace it with your cat. Then in 4 hours or so, between the two of you, YOU will finally have the higher I.Q.

Well, enjoy your Thanksgiving. When it comes to turkey I enjoy the really dark meat. It reminds me of the sky in St. Louis.

Until next time, I hope you survive Another Day In The Gray!

E-Mail Todd

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